Why didn't you just give me the answer?

My mom was trying to explain to my brother some mythical characters, after which a movie they were planning to watch, is called. She noticed in the middle of the process that she had forgotten what the creatures did and why they did it. "Hana, get me the encyclopedia", she said, and my brother laughed, because it has been ten years since he last touched the encyclopedia. I handed the book to my mom and she read the description of the mythical creatures out loud, while I made myself a sandwich. My brother sat there listening. After they were done, I murmured: "It's explained somewhere in the film."
"It's in the film?! So you knew what they are and that they are going to be mentioned in the film?!!" My brother looked at me with a somewhat reproachful question and an amused I-can't-believe-it laugh on his face.
I shrugged, smiled mischievously, and noticed: "I'm a teacher."

You won't find your happiness with another person, you can only find it within yourself, the only thing another person can do is help you find it...or not.

the beauty of skin...

Dear Lord, thank you for my skin. thank you for all those wondrous things you blessed us with that we take for granted

Home alone

When you live with your parents and u r home alone, don’t u feel that u just HAVE to do sth 'wrong'? just to demonstrate that for today you r king of the castle? like ud b breaking some ultimate code if u didn’t? Well, here I am, home alone for a change today and there is nothing wrong that I feel like doing. here I am, bored, lazy, watching a romance movie brought to me by Bounty. An whats bothering me is that its not at all bothering me. I'm growing old, the kind of old I'm afraid of.

"Its life's illusions I recall.."

At some point during my teanage years my mom said that it was the duty of any parent to preserve the childs illusions. I didn't quite understand right away, but it stroke me as some important sentence, motivated by some powerful experience and emotion. I understood what my mom said - at least I think I do - after a series of painfull disillusions, partly caused by herself. Some things, I really didn't want to know and some I shouldn't have known.

But my mom didn't tell me what a child should do with its parents illusions.

Freak or Friend

Some people adapt and adjust more easily than others. And some people refuse to conform. Others try and don’t manage, or even try too hard and thus don’t manage. It is not easy to determine a definitive conclusion on what is right or wrong - or even smart - in that regard. In psychology it is considered intelligent to adjust to different social situations; on the other hand, "conformism" has a rather (morally?) negative connotation – while both basically refer to the same thing.

Some people who insist on emphasizing their uniqueness choose to do something I would like to consider ‘anti-socially smart’: They find their place in and acceptance by society by demonstratively NOT conforming, by flying their freak flag. They free themselves from social norms, sometimes even managing to make others not judge them by standardized societal criteria. “He’s crazy, he’s a real cool guy, he’s different”. He might be even liked just because he so opposes anything that’s normal. He is taken for what he is... or for what he isn’t: He isn’t normal. That’s why he cannot be judged under normal parameters.
He will be left alone, spared. But the thing is, when he achieves tolerance by being different, he distances himself from the rest. So although the freak enjoys an amount of freedom others can’t afford: he will be left alone. He might be liked, but not necessarily befriended, and probably not closely befriended. Since the freak is not “some-buddy” you identify with, he won’t be the one you turn to for help, to whom you confide. Unless you have an issue that is generally not socially acceptable - then it would be the freak you will trust. But that doens't happen often enough to guarantee a lot of intimate relations. The point is: Freaks might end up pretty lonely.

So before flying your freak flag, you need to know what it is going to give you and then choose the package that suits you more...That is, if you have a choice. (You might be stuck in a role you have been playing for a very long time now)

As I often say, I like to find the middle. And the middle is hardest to find!

The Kafka Problem

Kafka asked his friend Max Brod to destroy his writing after his death. Max Brod refused this request. Still, Kafka asked him again to burn his unpublished writings. Max Brod didn't. Some might wish he had, for Kafka does give us a hard time trying to understand! But can you imagine literature without a Kafka? Anyways...that's not the point. The thing is that - whether we like Kafka or not - we were not supposed to know about all his writings.

Now what if I told you that Kafka gave me some of his writings and made me promise to keep them a secret? Of course at that time he’d only be a potential Kafka and not that famous 'kafkaesque" writer, whos name has become an adjective. What would be your advice to me?

“Grown-up” (continued)

in response to myself:

But then, you settle down for fear of ending up having nothing…and being lonely. A very understandable fear …

So you sacrifice the adventures…Its that choice we make again!! (Do I ever get over that thought?)

When my mind reactivates...

Ironically, I always feel like writing, when i really shouldn't. When I shoud be doing something else...Usually i feel like writing, when I should be studying. Its funny how my mind gets over-active when I study intensively or when I am really concentrating on some other thing I have to get done…Then my thoughts start drifting and flying from one place to the other with no mercy…I start getting ideas of poems to write and projects to make and other things to study…and suddenly I feel like doing really big things and believing I can change things…then I suddenly notice how important it is to take care of my health and do sports…and shopping!...and this and that and Oh my god that too!...and I talk and talk - and Faisal grins :) ...and I actually wanna go. I want to get started…I actually write down all my ideas and waste time that I really should be using for a specific purpose…and I make plans. But I can’t implement them right then for I have to study…so i study...and after the exam…It’s all gone.

…pitty!

(Is that normal??)

what do you do?

Are you rather one of those who care most about always doing the good thing…ore those who care most about doing the clever thing?...or are you some lost kid in the middle -- like me?