When Pain hurts

It seems like I've been dealing with a lot of pain lately, since I'm writing about it for the second blog-entry in a row. But no, it is not that I've entered a painful phase… At least, I think and I hope that this isn't the case. Last time, I was talking about pains of the past. But those pains hurt less, now that I came to realize that pains of the past, still, are only pains of the past. What hurts more, I feel, is direct, fresh pain. Especially in those times when, to you, pain seems like some far away aspect of the past. I can't sleep now... I am tired. But my stomach is making noises, because whatever I take in just won't stay in. And then, my head is making noises. I don't want to sleep. Since, for months, I haven't been in pain, or so afraid of it, as I am now. And here I'm talking emotional pain -- which physically hurts. My arms, especially my left one, always hurt when I'm really upset, which I started getting years ago, when I had my first heartbreak. When I felt it again now, I had to get out of bed. For I don't want to go to bed unhappy. I developed a huge fear of unhappiness, or of happiness, respectively,-- like when my fear of heights increases, the higher I get, and the more slippery the path upwards becomes.